Monday, June 23, 2008

Dolly don't do Ultimatums!

Wow! Yesterday was one full craziness!

I am sure I have mentioned before that I was able to get some hours working for my friends mothers company doing landscaping. Anyway, my friend also has her own business that I have done work for once or twice. On Friday she asked me if I wanted to go to a job site out of town with them on Sunday and work. I said sure. Saturday she told me basically told me that they had all this work that they didn't want to do so they thought I could do it. I'm like hmm... so I get all the shitty jobs? Oh well, suck it up. A day of work is a day of work and I don't mind working hard for my money.

I was happy to be able to go to a site and work my friend. She's been promising for over a week that we would work together but her stupid BF always messed it up one way or another.

Well we didn't even get started working before all hell broke loose and here's the culprit:

My friend needed to use the restroom at the gas station so she put her baby (14 mo) in the front with me to play with while she went inside. We had been eating some take out from A&W and sharing fries with him on the long drive out of town. I was eating my burger when the baby tried to make a grab for it. I laughed and handed him a fry instead as I know his parents don't allow him to have any cow products. Not because they are vegan but because they are afraid of things like mad cow disease.

I heard a voice behind me and saw that her bf had pulled up behind us. He was giving me an evil look and I just ignored him because he is described always as the "angry guy". I honestly can't stand him but tolerate him due to my friend's feelings for him. As soon as she came near the vehicles he called her over and began ranting and raving in a low voice, cursing like crazy. I knew he was talking shit about me, I just knew.

When she came back to the car she waited until we were pulling out to tell me "Um, so just that you know my BF is really crazy about the baby and he doesn't want you touching his food after you've touched beef."

WTF?! I was like "Okay, well I didn't really touch the beef because I was holding the wrapper and eating it and I didn't think it was a problem to give him a fry. He was reaching for my burger and you were feeding him fries on the way here"

She shrugged and told me its just the way her BF is. Whatever!

I tried to shake it off as we drove to the job site but I was pretty mad. Especially when I could hear him saying all those nasty things. As soon as we pulled up he took the baby out of the car seat and held him like he was dying. It was nuts! Then he dragged my friend to the side to rant about it some more. I could hear things like " it just pisses me off" "ignorant bitch" "no fucking respect". That was enough for me. Here I am standing alone by the car listening to this crap.

When my friend came back I told her that I really didn't find his behavior appropriate and that I was going to call somebody to come pick me up.

My friend blew up! She started yelling at me and telling me how everyone is deserting her and reminding me that she's pregnant and how if I leave she'll never talk me to again.

Are we 5 years old? That's how I felt she was behaving.

I remained calm and said that he was her bf, not mine and that I don't have to take that shit from him and that I'm tired of him always saying shit and freaking out all the time. She totally ignored it and focused on yelling at me for being a "bad friend". I asked her for the address and she refused to give it to me!!!!!! I had no idea where I was or how to even get back to the highway. She kept telling me I couldn't leave.

Then she ran over to her BF and told him I was demanding to leave and I heard him say "Well we won't take her back until we do all the work, she can just fucking sit here all fucking day then. What other option does she have, bitch!" I walked past them and said I would find my own way. I didn't need them to get my ass out of there, I could take care of it myself.

As I walked past she started yelling at these personal attacks at me. I remained calm. Actually I was eerily calm throughout the whole ordeal. I really felt it was ridiculous from start to finish. I walked down the long driveway with her shouting hateful comments at me. When I got down to the bottom I only had to walk a short way to find a house that had luckily posted the street name along with the address so I called my mom who googled it and came to my rescue.

Not soon enough though. During my wait (it was 20 minutes outside of town) she decided to come yell at me again. She kept giving me all the ultimatums about our friendship and I told her that it was her choice to do that but that she might want to think about what she was saying before she said it. I told her... " I want to leave, its not ok for your boyfriend to disrespect me that way". She kept on about how I was abandoning her like everyone else and how's she pregnant.. blah blah. I really couldn't see how any of this was related to what was happening.

It ended up with her storming off with two fingers in the air and yelling very childish remarks at me. It was a temper tantrum. Plain and simple. She even told me that I should come say a last goodbye to her baby, but then yelled that I probably didn't care about him anyway. Come on!!

We've been friends a long time with some fall outs along the way. The last year though the relationship has sometimes been a tad bit draining. She needs constant attention and if she doesn't get it then I'm a bad friend and she threatens to discontinue the friendship. I told her today that she makes the relationship stressful. I told her that sometimes I need space. Some days I don't feel like picking up the phone. Some times my life is stressful and I don't have a lot of time for other people cuz I'm trying to get my shit together. I told she couldn't rely on other people. If she needs something she's not getting from us thats not our fault. I can't be responsible for making her happy and neither can anyone else. I also told her she can't group what happens in our relationship with her relationships with other people. I'm not responsible for what happens with other people, she is. She just nodded and called me selfish.

I sat alone on the side of the road in boonfucknowhere and tried to collect my thoughts on what had just happened.

Soon enough my mom and her friend showed up to get me and we had a laugh about it. It was a strange morning. We went for a walk at the march and then sat down to brainstorm for our own landscaping company. Then we topped things off with some BBQ, dessert and Yahtzee. So they day ended well for me.

I can't stop thinking, what the hell is wrong with my friend? She chose her life. She's not happy and thats not my fault. Her expectations are unrealistic and ultimatums and Dolly don't match.


Fabulously Broke said...

Don't let her get away with blaming it on hormones eh?

NO ONE has the right to be so effing rude and to have her bf talk crap about her good friend without giving him crap

WTF is up with this french fry + burger thing? they're both effing nuts

Cut the ties while you can so she can gather her thoughts and be less crazy

But what you said She kept on about how I was abandoning her like everyone else and how's she pregnant.. blah blah

it may be that she feels neglected because BF controls/neglects her and you should kindly tell her that with that attitude -- it's why she's losing friends, and if she keeps it up with you, you're outta there.

Give her another chance, but if she pulls that on you again, she be crazy.

Arual said...

WOW! What a morning you had. Good for you for standing up for yourself. Your friend's bf sounds like some fourletter words I know and you don't need to be treated that way. Friendship should never have ultimatiums.

Esme said...

Wow. Maybe she should ask herself why everyone is abandoning her? Maybe it not everyone else, but herself and her BF?

Anyway, it must be hard since you been friends for so long but it's not ok that she treats you like that.

L@SpillingBuckets said...

Wow. I've heard of people who are paranoid about allergies... but mad cow? and upset just because you might have been touching beef that also may have come in contact with fries? The fries came from a restaurant that is known for it's beef! I am sure there was "contamination"

Anyways - It really stinks that her BF is killing the friendship. A similar thing happened to my mom and her best friend from college. The Best Friend got married to a total scumbag and things like this happened all the time (I was small but I remember the fights between mom and them) and eventually my mom just quit. She hasn't seen her since. Hopefully your friend comes to her senses and realizes what the BF is doing to her and all her relationships. It isn't worth the emotional strain on you to force this.

Canadian Saver said...

Oh Dolly, I'm so glad you were able to get out of there... it could have been so much worse if you had stayed. This relationship seems toxic... not good for you. No one deserves to be insulted like he was doing.

I'd either just meet up with your friend when that jerk won't be there (100% sure) or not meet her at all... it's just not worth it...

And I'm still shaking my head at the mad-cow thing. Get educated buddy!!!

Madame X said...

Yikes! Those people need to get over themselves!